Dear Doctor, Thank You

Dear Doctor, thank you for all your struggles to become a doctor. Thank you for the sleepless nights and all the hard work you put in to gain the skills to treat my cancer. Have I ever told you how grateful I am for you? 

Before expressing my gratitude, I would like to apologise. I am sorry I got this cancer. Thank you for making me realise that getting this cancer was my fault. You see, tobacco helped me stay awake while I was working at night; it suppressed my hunger so I could spend less on food for myself and feed my children instead; it helped me deal with the stress of not being able to give my family the life they deserve. I always felt like a failure, and watching Kapil Dev and Shahrukh Khan endorse tobacco made me feel like I could, for a moment, live their life. Once I started, I could not stop. 

I am sorry, Doctor, that I continued to take it despite knowing it would cause cancer. I felt uneasy when I tried to quit. A doctor once counselled me for 30 seconds and told me to quit tobacco, but I was foolish to continue taking it. It was as if I was addicted to it. As if it was some illness. I am sorry, Doctor, I should not have gotten cancer and come here to trouble you. But why does the government still sell tobacco, Doctor?

Thank you, Doctor, for seeing me today and heeding my begging and tears. I know on Saturdays, the appointment desk closes at 11 am. I know you have to leave by 1 pm. I am sorry I came 5 minutes late and wasted your time begging you to see me. I was late because the train did not arrive on time. But Doctor, this will not happen next time. I know you only get the weekend to rest yourself. I can wait a few more weeks till the treatment responds so I can finally open my mouth slightly to eat something. But Doctor, thank you for being so kind and for seeing me today and not asking me to return next week. I'll use the money I would have spent on the next trip to buy some juice to sip. It is sweltering these days.

There is something I have to confess, Doctor. You made me sign a form last time, but I secretly took a picture. I went back home and read it. I am so grateful to you, Doctor, for getting everything sorted and keeping my best interest in mind without troubling me too much. I remember you telling me that my cancer had spread. But you will try your best to treat me, right? My neighbour in my village said this city has the best treatment, so I will travel 200 km every time I come here to see you. But Doctor, do not worry; even if you cannot cure me, I won't blame you. I read in the form that it is not the responsibility of the Doctor or the hospital if anything goes wrong during the treatment. Why are you afraid of me, Doctor? I trust you. I know you will do the best for me. You are God for me.

Thank you for becoming a doctor for me. I have nothing to give you in return. You see, I have lost everything I had. Even to come to the hospital, I had to ask for money from my neighbours. But thank you, Doctor, for telling me about the lab that charges only 300 rupees for blood tests outside the hospital. The previous lab where I got the test done used to cost me 5 days' worth of meals, and this lab cost me only one day's meal. Thank you, Doctor; because of you, I can eat for four more days now! Also, this lab gives me the report in 20 minutes! Sometimes, I wonder if the same technology could be used in this hospital. But I will not complain, Doctor. You know better.

I might have a few more months left to live, and I will try my best to seek treatment. Some days are more difficult than others for me. But I will try my best to arrange money to get tests done on time and travel early to get here so that you don't have to wait for me. I am sorry I ruined your mood and wasted your Saturday afternoon. Thank you for being my Doctor.

Edited by Christianez Ratna Kiruba.

Image by Janvi Bokoliya.