McDonald’s Gives India Hope: Malnutrition Bye Bye

I would like to congratulate McDonald's & the Central Food Technological Research Institute (CFTRI) for their new partnership to develop new nutritional products. My professional opinion, as a multinational McDonald’s burger eater is that this is a landmark partnership that will help India reach the top. 

For too long, India and Indians suffered from limited food. But no more. McDonald's will make sure that urban Indians are broken free from the shackles of undernutrition. All urban Indians deserve to be obese and McDonald's will ensure, now in a scientific research-based way - thanks to CFTRI that that goal is achieved. 

McDonald's has a track record of decades for bettering the nutrition around the world. Through competitive capitalism, McDonald's accelerated obesity in the US by several hundred folds in the last three decades. McDonald's brought obesity to the doors of another big LMIC - Brazil. Indians need to ask themselves, why should we be left behind in the race toward obesity? We deserve an equal chance to be obese as an average American. 

The best thing is that Indians, unlike Americans, won't suffer from impure obesity. You see, McDonald's in the US and other places predominantly sell happy meals packed with tons and tons of different meats. Deep fried, but meat- beef, chicken, pork, eggs, etc. These unhealthily prepared meats give protein, vitamins, etc. So, the obesity that you get isn't pure. It has some inadvertent nutrition. But in India, McDonald's are largely vegetarian with McAloo, Maharaja Aloo, etc with maybe a li’l bit of chicken & eggs. But mostly just deep fried starch. That is pure obesity.  

I'm aware that in all these excellent plans that will ensure that urban India becomes an obesity capital of the world by 2047, there's one thorn. It looks like CFTRI might create hurdles through their research. That 22% millet content in the bun is a once in a lifetime breakthrough in nutrition science. I'm certain that there is a Nobel Prize coming CFTRI's way for achieving that number.

Those alarmist ivory tower academic activist types, who are against business growth, will tell you that this screams conflict of interest. However, do not be concerned! Centuries have shown that the funder is the husband & research organization is the wife in all such relationships. A good wife must sit at her husband's feet, enjoy his kicks, and obey him. In this partnership, McDonald's will fund CFTRI's research. McDonald's will be the wise & firm husband and suffer the burden of duty of kicking the wife when needed. 

All and all, a great day for a great country by the courtesy of a great company. May many more such companies come to make India great. After all, we have a long and strong past and present of bending backwards to let companies run the country.

---

Edited by Parth Sharma. (This is a satire)

Image by Janvi Bokoliya.